Thursday, February 26, 2009

Chuck Norris

My roommate was given an awesome book recently. It's called The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the Greatest Human Alive. A few of my favorites... well, I probably shouldn't put them on here. So either stop reading or forgive my crudeness and read on. I'll start with some tame ones.

  1. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
  2. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  3. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
  4. Chuck Norris once ate an entire factory of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  5. Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyway, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
The faint of heart should stop reading now.
  1. Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses.
  2. Pee-wee Herman once got arrested for masturbating in public. That same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
  3. Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for five days as a result.
  4. Chuck Norris's dick is so big it has its own dick. And Chuck Norris's dick's dick is bigger than yours.
So what are your favorite facts about Chuck Norris? Tell me or Chuck Norris will kick your ass.

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