I got my American Heart Association Heartsaver First Aid card today. I can attempt to bring you back from certain death! It probably won't do you any good because most people who need CPR will die anyway. But there is that rare case where it will keep enough pressure coursing through your little veins to deliver oxygen to your vital organs until an ambulance comes to take you away. In that case, congratulations! I will be a hero and you may survive.
They also taught me a bunch of cool stuff about more practical first aid. What's that you say? You're allergic to bees? If you can't administer your Epi pen, I can help you. A simple jab in your thigh and a little rubbing could be all that you need.